Movies

You Might Be a Redneck (Or a Zombie) If . . .

A guide to the horror glut.

By Logan Hill
Published Jul 17, 2005

George Romero’s Land of the Dead
Semblance of a Plot
Zombies attack. Heroes fight back.

Underdressed, Overacting Actress
Asia Argento

Zombie or Redneck?
Zombie

How You Can Tell the Difference
True, these zombies hate the city so much they attempt to tear it down. And yes, one works in a gas station, another wears a softball uniform, some play music in a bad hometown band—and they all love to eat ribs. However, they cannot be rednecks, because they elected a black man to be their leader.

(Photo: Courtesy of Gene Page/Lions Gate)

The Devil’s Rejects
Semblance of a Plot
Rednecks attack. Bad cops fight back.

Underdressed, Overacting Actress
Sheri Moon

Zombie or Redneck?
Redneck (but directed by Rob Zombie)

How You Can Tell the Difference
Easy: Zombies rarely have names like Otis or Tiny. They rarely commit ritualistic satanic murders or create masks out of human faces. And zombies never say things like “I’m the devil, and I am here to do the devil’s work.” Usually, they just eat you.

(Photo: Courtesy of Grant Marshall/Lions Gate)

Undead
Semblance of a Plot
Zombies attack Australia. Blokes fight back.

Underdressed, Overacting Actress
Felicity Mason

Zombie or Redneck?
Zombie

How You Can Tell the Difference
A tough one. Here, the good guys are rednecks from the Australian outback—they’re the ones flailing their arms and screaming, not the ones flailing their arms and eating people. An undead giveaway: The zombies don’t get silly dream-sequences.

House of Wax
Semblance of a Plot
Rednecks attack—and embalm their victims in wax. Heroes fight back.

Underdressed, Overacting Actress
Elisha Cuthbert

Zombie or Redneck?
Redneck

How You Can Tell the Difference
Little-known fact: Zombies dislike arts-and-crafts projects. They prefer to eat their enemies—not make candles out of them.

The Skeleton Key
Semblance of a Plot
Redneck ghosts attack. Goldie Hawn’s daughter fights back.

Underdressed, Overacting Actress
Kate Hudson

Zombie or Redneck?
Redneck

How You Can Tell the Difference
Even based on the trailer (the film’s out in August), it’s obvious that this Louisiana-bayou thriller is populated by voodoo-crazy coots. Otherwise, actor Peter Sarsgaard wouldn’t be faking that southern drawl. Plus, these bad guys eat gumbo, not human flesh.

(Photo: Courtesy of Warner Bros.)

Dukes of Hazzard
Semblance of a Plot
Redneck cops attack. Redneck family fights back.

Underdressed, Overacting Actress
Jessica Simpson

Zombie or Redneck?
Redneck

How You Can Tell the Difference
Any zombie attempting to slide across the hood of a 1969 Dodge Charger would fall apart before reaching the other side.