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7:30 A.M. Get up, papers, breakfast, shower, clothes, office.
12-3 P.M. Host Air American radio show. Guests: Bob Barr, Tom Oliphant , Pat Buchanan. Resist Urge to yell at Barr.
Afternoon Repeat same talking points to right-wing radio host aafter right-wing radio host. Tell hilarious jokes, win over critics. Fat.
7 P.M. Head to convention floor as correspondent for Janeane Garofalo's show. Remember to ask delegates "What's the most right-wing thing you've ever done?" and "Ever had a homoerotic dream?"
10:15 P.M. The Great American Shout Out. As delegates around me yell "Yay Bush!" I'll shout, "Thanks for my huge tax-cut—I'm rich!"
10:17 P.M. Out of respect for affair, if not for Bush, listen to speech.
Go home, take a shower. Prepare to debunk smears, half-truths, and outright lies on next day's show.
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Published on September 2, 2004.
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